Last week we talked about being curious about others and how that can actually benefit ourselves. Not for the fact of using people, but the byproduct of being curious in general.
We live in a world where we’re constantly surrounded by people, coworkers, family, friends, even strangers. But how many of us truly take the time to learn about the people we interact with? To understand their values, experiences, and motivations?
Learning about others is more than just making small talk. It’s about building meaningful connections, fostering empathy, and becoming more insightful in your personal and professional life. If you're looking to form deeper relationships or just want to understand those around you better, here are the top three things you can do to learn about others.
Ask Thoughtful Questions
The most straightforward way to learn about someone is to ask them the right questions. But don’t just ask surface-level, “How’s your day?” or “What do you do?” questions—dig deeper to understand their values, aspirations, and experiences.
Think about asking questions like:
“What’s something you’re passionate about?”
“What’s been the biggest challenge in your life right now holding you back?”
“What’s one thing you’ve learned recently that surprised you?”
“What do you value most in your relationships with others?”
These kinds of questions invite the other person to share more than just a quick response. They encourage reflection and lead to genuine conversations that can reveal insights about their personality, experiences, and worldview. Plus, active listening is just as important as asking—when you listen attentively, you send the message that you genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings.
By showing curiosity about the person’s experiences and interests, you also create a space where they feel heard and valued, which fosters trust and connection.
Pay Attention to Body Language
Sometimes, you can learn a lot about someone without them saying a word. Non-verbal communication, body language, facial expressions, and posture, can give you deep insights into how someone feels or what they truly think. Hostage negotiators and interrogators watch body language when questioning suspects to learn if they are being lied to, or if they are on the correct path.
Pay attention to:
Facial expressions: A smile, raised eyebrows, or a furrowed brow can tell you if someone is comfortable, happy, or confused.
Posture: Leaning in can indicate interest or engagement, while crossed arms might suggest defensiveness or discomfort.
Eye contact: Are they making eye contact or avoiding it? It can indicate trust, confidence, or a lack of interest.
Gestures: Subtle movements like tapping feet, fiddling with an object, or using hands while speaking can reveal nervousness or excitement.
By tuning into these cues, you can better understand someone’s emotional state and what they might be trying to communicate, even if they’re not using words. It’s a powerful way to read between the lines and deepen your understanding of others.
Observe Their Actions and Behavior
Sometimes, you can learn a lot about someone simply by observing how they act and interact with the world around them. People’s behaviors often provide more insight into their character than anything they could tell you.
How do they treat others? Notice how they interact with strangers, employees, or people they don’t know very well. This can reveal their values, such as kindness, respect, or humility.
What do they prioritize? Observe how they spend their time—whether they’re dedicated to their family, career, or personal hobbies. What someone prioritizes often speaks volumes about what they value most.
How do they handle stress or conflict? Pay attention to how they behave in stressful situations. Are they calm under pressure, or do they react impulsively? This can teach you about their emotional intelligence and coping mechanisms.
By observing someone’s actions and behavior, you learn about their true nature, often in ways that words can’t express. People often act in alignment with their core beliefs and principles, and these actions can teach you more than any conversation ever could.
Learning about others isn’t just about gathering information, it’s about building meaningful relationships, increasing understanding, and cultivating empathy. Whether you’re looking to improve your personal relationships, become a better leader, or simply connect on a deeper level with those around you, these three practices, asking thoughtful questions, observing body language, and watching behaviors,will get you closer to truly understanding others.
If you approach every interaction with an open mind, a curious heart, and the willingness to listen, you’ll unlock the power of human connection in ways that can positively impact your life and the lives of others.
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