Good morning everyone,
Hopefully after last week’s blog post you have tons of questions stirring around about the difference between influence and persuasion. I also hope you are intentionally looking inward to see if you are working on influence or something else when you engage your customers, your team, and your friends / family.
I often exam my life to make sure that I am still working on influence rather than persuasion. I review the key relationships that I have and take a look at how I interact with those people and then gauge how I feel the relationship is going. If the relationship is not growing the way I think it should I see how I can better change how I approach it. And no I don’t get every relationship right all of the time. It is a constant work in process for me.
Today I want to review t he first step in working on influence. The first step is You. That is right influence starts with you. How do you approach every relationship? How do you treat your customers, friends, teammates, and most important, family? Do you use them to get what you want? Do you help them get what they need? Do you just do the head nod when you walk by them?
They key in being influential is to be intentional with those relationships. Find out what they need and help them. Find out who they truly are and how you can help them. Get to really know them not on a superficial level, but on a deep level. What are they passionate about and is there a way that you can help them? As you start doing that you will be amazed at how people start looking at you as someone who is different than most relationships. Most people only want to be around when things are fun. When things are not fun they tend to say sorry and walk away looking for where the fun is again in another relationship. If we are honest with ourselves, we have all been guilty of this.
When I am engaging with people, I have a mental profile sheet in my head like the one in my book “The Sales Process Uncovered” that I use to keep filling in notes about my relationships. I am constantly getting to know them and being intentional about it is key. Dale Carnegie was the master at being intentional about learning about everyone.
I use his analogy of the house like you are walking up to the person. There is a mailbox as you walk up to the house with their name on it. Learning their name and saying it back to them is important to the person you meet. The single most important word to people is their name. Studies have shown that when someone hears their name their mood changes. Depending on the tone you use will affect how their mood changes as well.
Now you have got the name down, you walk up towards the house and notice the front yard of the house to see if there are kids toys on the ground, is the yard neat and clean, is it an over grown forest with trees and vines hanging down like a jungle? Do they have broken parts of the fence? Is there a pet outside?
Once you walk up through the walkway to the house you get up to the porch and notice a chimney. Up on top of the chimney you notice an airplane. Which is odd and makes you curious. What are their hobbies? What brings them joy in life? Be curious and ask. Also if you are in an office you can usually see items on their desks of what they enjoy.
Next you peak inside and notice kids running around inside the house. What are their names? What are they interested in? What achievements have the kids made that make their parents proud? What do the kids want to be when they grow up? Do you or someone you know have kids that have the similar interests that you are familiar with?
Now you are inside the house and looking around. Every time you first meet someone you know their house is clean and made up. Sweat is seen on their forehead as they rushed around to clean everything up before you got there. We are all guilty of trying to present a perfect perception of our lives to anyone we first meet. Know that no one is perfect so be nice and start learning about them. As you get to know them you will see the broken banisters next to the stairs, the dirty dishes that are usually in the sink, and the kids rooms that have the doors shut because Legos are scattered all over the floor like a mine field.
Influence is built and based how you interact with people and is never done. Being intentional to grow your relationship with people is draining, but totally worth it. Helping people is the best feeling in the world when you get over yourself and start focusing on helping others.
I think this is enough for today. Next week we will discuss more on influence and how to go deeper with getting a solid foundation. This is a long game strategy and more like cooking in a crockpot instead of a microwave. It’s like cooking good BBQ. It takes a great deal of time and taste amazing when done right.
Let this week’s blog simmer in a bit and next week we will go deeper on the relationship building.
P.S. If you have any input, or would like to write on a topic feel free to reach out I would be more than happy to discuss your interest and let you be apart of this blog.
Sincerely,
Kevin Sidebottom
Sales and Leadership Enterprises