Good morning,
We have come to the most important variable when discussing trust. It’s in the denominator of the equation as well. This means that the larger this value the more it pulls down the other variables in the numerator.
To reflect we have the addition of credibility, reliability, and vulnerability as variables to building trust. Below them in the denominator is Selfishness. You can be very creditable, reliable, and vulnerable, but if you are only doing this to help yourself “WIN” you will actually “LOSE”. We will not be able to gain trust and sustain it if we are only out for our own gain. True we may be able to fake our selfishness for a little while to obtain short term gains, but trust is a long-term play. People will figure it out fast enough as selfishness is like a spotlight shining bright into the night sky. There is no way to truly cover it.
Selfishness tells people that we do not value them and do not care about them. Who wants to trust someone like that? Have you ever been around someone that you tried to give more and more trust and it just seemed to blow up in your face each and every time? It is really hard to keep wanting to extend them the benefit of doubt. After a while trust is just not an option anymore.
I recently came to this realization with someone that I have bent over backwards to help on quite a few occasions. Each time has resulted in being walked over and taken advantage of. I am very helpful by nature and want to help people from hitting some of the pitfalls that I have had to endure. This person was only focused on the person wanted without a care for doing the right thing for everyone.
Without getting into much detail about the situation, I was protecting something of value that would have gotten damaged to the point of costing thousands of dollars to repair as well as fixing some other components on that piece of equipment that were already broken. The person was supposed to assist as well as bring some items to me (#reliability) and did not bother to follow through. It was the last straw for me wanting to help this individual anymore and it’s unfortunate because this person wanted to be selfish and unreliable. I have since had to make the decision to not help this person in the future. It is not something that I am happy about, but I have had to make that decision.
By being selfish we can quickly turn relationships sour. In sales or leadership if this happens, we really start losing our influence and in sales and Leadership influence is the key ingredient to success. Without trust there is no influence. You may think that if you have leverage over someone you can have influence them, but I challenge that thought because once that leverage is gone there is no more influence. Ever here about Julius Cesar? His good friend stabbed him in the back. Now typically an actual stabbing does not happen in business, but there have been stories in business where boards have thrown the CEO out of the organization overnight. When you do not have trust people will be less willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and promote you to customer. Even Steve Jobs was asked to step down at one point at Apple.
I am constantly taking inventory in my life to gauge how selfish I am being. I’m sure I fail to live up to my standard, but my focus is on not being selfish and trying to help everyone that I can. I put my expertise out there to help others gain knowledge. I do not do it so I can say that I have done it, but to share so that people can avoid mistakes that I have run into in the past. My goal is to help you become more efficient and successful especially with areas of sales and influence.
The key is to really take an inventory of our relationships and see if there are any areas where we are being a little selfish. Are there some relationships that you have been one sided on? Have you made any recent mistakes that an apology will help start the road back to building trust? Selfishness can be fixed when we take an honest look at how we have behaving with others.
So here it is the full Trust Equation.
Next week we will tie all of this back up to create a great level of trust with everyone we come in contact with.
Have a great weekend!
Sincerely,
Kevin Sidebottom