Have you ever been told you are too vulnerable? My guess is that if you a man in your 40’s and older, that has not been something you have ever heard. It just was not modeled for the most part by our fathers. We were taught how to change the car oil, get a job, and fix things. Vulnerability was not something that most of us were taught.
I was raised in a single parent family for most of my younger years and being vulnerable was not a skill I was taught. I was taught to “man up”, “suck it up”, etc. We didn’t show emotion. Well we did show anger and sarcasm. That was about it. Vulnerability was something I work on daily. This was one of the hardest skills for me as a man, but one of the most beneficial assets as a person of influence.
You may be thinking, I don’t have time to be vulnerable. I just need to push through with my team or my customers and get the job done to move on to the next task. I understand business and getting work done. What I am talking about is building a trust with our teams or customers gives us the benefit of the doubt in bad situations. This kind of trust is more than the superficial arm-length kind of relationship. It brings people in to get to know us on a deeper level. A level that when the chips are down, they will step in to help without question.
Now let’s talk about what vulnerability is. Vulnerability is opening ourselves to be potentially judged, let down, hurt emotionally, and disappointed. Vulnerability is sharing details and emotions to show the real us. It is also an uneasy feeling when we disclose something about ourselves to someone in an effort to build deeper trust levels.
Vulnerability is deeper than honesty. When being honest, we can speak the truth, but still not build trust (just ask my wife). People can be rubbed the wrong way with honesty. We can not gain the connection with others when we are just honest. We need to develop our level of vulnerability with other individuals to gain deeper relationships. Vulnerability is a scary place for most people because there is that risk of being hurt, but the payoff is definitely greater.
I have worked with ex-navy seals, business owners, entrepreneurs, engineers, contractors, etc. The most successful people are vulnerable to those they need high levels of trust with. Leaders have to be vulnerable with those they lead. Leaders strive to grow the relationship with those around them so that when the time comes to dig deep, the leaders will have the buy in from those around them, and accomplish great things.
Take a look at the picture for this blog post. Those jets are flying a high rates of speed and crossing each other’s paths. Think they have high levels of trust to perform these stunts? The answer is yes. They also have to be in sink because one small mistake could end their lives. They need this deep level of trust in order to do this. They also have to be vulnerable enough when practicing to let others know their comfort levels.
The reason why I have had such great success in sales is because I am vulnerable with my customers and team members. I trust them and pushed through my comfort zone to allow others in to see who I am. By doing so I have gained great relationships and trust with those around me. Together we have accomplished great things like a men’s ministry, winning multi-million multi-year contracts, and solid relationships that have stood the test of time.
This week I want to challenge us to open up instead of trying to conceal things. It’s okay to show the real us to others. We can share some of the things we struggle with and ask for help. Being vulnerable with where we are at will allow us to grow stronger and have others come along side of us to accomplish much more. My commitment this week is to listen and be more vulnerable to those around me and not jump in to fix it and move on. What is the next step you can do today to be more vulnerable with those around you?
Have a great day!
Sincerely,
Kevin Sidebottom
“Businesses wonder why the majority of their sales teams struggle at winning profitable business. I teach your sales team to walk with the customer through the five buying decisions, and in the correct order to generate more sales with high margins!”